The Self

The Self is the foundation of IFS Therapy.  It is most simply described as the deepest essence of your being. It is embodied as your inner wisdom or deeper intuition and spacious within an awareness that is alive, awake and unconditionally accepting.  This may seem too good to be true.  It did to me when I first learnt about it.  But it is actually hiding in plain sight.

As an experiment I invite you to answer the following questions…

• Have you ever been determined, insightful, disciplined, principled or inspirational?

  If so, it is likely that you were acting from The Self’s leadership qualities.

• Have you ever been trusting, generous, supportive, understanding or compassionate?

  If so, it is likely that you were acting from The Self’s caring and helpful qualities.

• Have you ever been original, expressive, observant, courageous or explorative?

  If so, it is likely that you were acting from The Self’s creative and scientific qualities.

Your Parts

Your parts are the central focus of IFS Therapy. They are best thought of as different sides or modes of your personality that have different roles to play. There are two basic types of parts. The first are protective parts who work to keep you safe, secure and in control. The second are vulnerable parts who hold hurt, pain or suffering from the past. The protective parts role involves ensuring the vulnerable parts do not become triggered or activated. The vulnerable parts role is to get your attention so you can heal them and free them from their vulnerability.

Here is a more detailed breakdown of these types of parts…

• Managers are proactive protectors who work to maintain control and certainty. They often exhibit traits such as problem solving, striving or aspiring and criticising or judging.

• Firefighters are reactive protectors who work to reestablish control in times of uncertainty. They often exhibit traits such as pleasure desiring, fighting or attacking and escaping or avoiding.

• Exiles are vulnerable parts who originate from past traumas or distressing events. The often hold strong emotions such as guilt, shame, terror, sadness or despair.

Thanking Protective Parts

The goal of IFS is not “to find a way around” protectors to “get to the exiles.”  The goal of IFS is to build self to part relationships throughout the whole system.  Every part needs love, understanding and compassion.  Every part, even your most ardent protectors, longs for self-energy and self-leadership.  In IFS, nothing happens without safety.  Slow progress is the fastest way.  Your protective parts are in complete control.  We do not go anywhere or do anything without their permission.  We simply want to get to know them better.  We ask them how they protect you and why they protect you.  We get to know their beliefs, values and aspirations for your future.  Above all, we offer these tireless and heroic warriors the validation and appreciation they deserve.

Healing Vulnerable Parts

In IFS Therapy, true, real and deep healing is always possible.  Unlike other therapies, there is a well practiced pathway to healing called “unburdening.”  When (or if) your protective parts trust your self-energy and self-leadership enough, they will allow you to access any vulnerable parts that carry pain, hurt or wounds from past events.  What follows is a natural process of witnessing what happened, re-enacting anything that needed to be different, retrieving the part from the time of suffering and letting go of the pain, the hurt or the wounds from the past.  This may sound too simple or too strange to be true but it appears to be a natural phenomena that happens by itself.  It may be that the mind is like the body.  Given time and the right conditions, it knows how to heal itself naturally.  Or maybe, given the right time and conditions, your true self knows how to bring you back home, to the peace you felt before you experienced pain, hurt and trauma.